


all of you, all of me

by spideyscoming



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Athletic Trainer Iwaizumi Hajime, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Iwaizumi Hajime/Ushijima Wakatoshi - Freeform, M/M, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, POV Iwaizumi Hajime, Pining Iwaizumi Hajime, Pro Volleyball Player Oikawa Tooru, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25423057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideyscoming/pseuds/spideyscoming
Summary: “It’s an alien,” Hajime blurts out. Wakatoshi stares at him like he knows this piece of information, but can’t seem to figure out why he has an alien tattoo out of all things. The last thing he wants to do is bring up Tooru, but it comes out like word vomit. How Tooru told him he was moving to Argentina and it hurt. How Tooru and him got friendship tattoos. How Tooru cried the day he left Japan. How Tooru is so busy training they almost rarely speak. How he misses Tooru, but he knows he can’t say anything because he wants his best friend to focus on becoming the best.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 3
Kudos: 152





	all of you, all of me

**Author's Note:**

> hellooooo this is a late work for oikawa's birthday and for the end of haikyuu :-( i am so so soooo sad, but i also hope furudate gets lots of rest and sleep!! this is based off of death by a thousand cuts by taylor swift so i hope u enjoy!

**_heart and hips_ **

Hajime is eighteen when his best friend tells him he’s moving to Argentina.

It’s the night before graduation, and they’re sitting in Tooru’s old treehouse from when they were kids. There’s an old alien blanket they’re sitting on laid out in the center, a bottle of vodka between them, and Hajime’s small portable radio on their right; the music changes, but the same soothing sound of guitar strings softly being plucked is consistent. It starts off nice. They talk about the injured duck they found when they were five. Then they drink from the bottle. They talk about the time they attended the midnight screening of Godzilla when they were eleven. Then they drink from the bottle. They talk about the time they dressed up as pirates for Halloween when they were fifteen. Another drink.

Now Tooru talks about moving to another country, and it throws him off guard. As far as Hajime knew, his best friend had planned on staying in Japan—never once mentioned he was moving away.

Tooru keeps on talking, and there’s an excited look in his eyes, but Hajime isn’t listening, not really. All he keeps thinking about is _how long has he been planning this_ and _did Hanamaki and Matsukawa know_ and _why didn’t he tell me anything_ ; he feels selfish for that last thought because Tooru isn’t required to let him know these types of decisions, but still, he wishes his best friend would’ve told him sooner.

But he’s chasing something, and it’s so painfully obvious. Tooru’s made several promises—not just to himself, but to others; Hajime is one of those people. He knows Japan never got to see the amazing setter that is Tooru Oikawa. Not making it to Nationals meant only local universities approached him with offers, and while he knew his setter was honored, it wasn’t enough. He wanted something more; he needed to prove to himself and to those who stopped him that he was capable of making a name for himself even if it meant his route would take longer.

“So what do you think, Iwa-chan? Both of us will be in two different countries. Maki and Matsu will be here all alone. You think we’ll be fine?”

The look Tooru gives him makes his throat go dry. It’s a mixture of enthusiasm, hope, and something that says _I need you to believe in me_. He’s not sure how his family responded to the news, but from that one glance alone, Hajime thinks it probably didn’t go well. The thought of coming home for winter break next year and Tooru being in Argentina makes him want to throw up. He wonders how long it’ll be till they see each other again. His program at UC Irvine takes four years; will Tooru be back before then?

_You think we’ll be fine?_

He’d be an idiot to think Tooru was talking about all of them. In all the years he’s known his best friend, he knows how, often enough, there’s a hidden question behind the one being asked. Moving to Argentina is risky, and Tooru knows this; he’s giving up a collegiate volleyball career here in Miyagi to start brand new in a country where there’s a chance he won’t be noticed. What he’s really asking is _you think I’ll be okay_ , and Hajime knows he can’t hesitate when answering.

Hajime shoots him a grin. “We’ll be fine. We believe in you, captain.”

Tooru’s smile is small, but it’s there, and it’s enough to make Hajime reach down for the bottle again and drink. There’s heavy pain on his chest as he drinks, and he thinks it’s from the alcohol, but the theory is dismissed when Tooru scoots closer to him and rests his head on his shoulder.

“Don’t tell my family, but I’m going to miss you the most, Iwa-chan.” It’s almost drowned out by the music playing, but he catches it and he knows he’s meant to hear it. Tooru has always been the one to wear his heart on his sleeve—always been more expressive and emotional than him, but if he only has a few more months of living next door to the kid who still uses alien bed sheets, then he’s going to let him know how he feels, too.

“Don’t tell anyone else, but I’m going to miss you more, Tooru.”

He’s not sure who initiates it, but when the night comes to an end, he finds that their pinkies are intertwined. He makes a silent promise to himself to never let go of the boy who cried while watching Cars when they were six, the boy who snuck into his room at midnight just to wish him a happy birthday when they were twelve, the boy who stole his heart when they were sixteen.

Weeks later, Tooru gets an idea to get matching friendship tattoos and won’t stop pestering him about it that Hajime gives in to it, and before he knows it, there’s a bandage on the left side of his hip. He’s staring at his reflection in his room, studying the small black linework that didn’t take more than twenty minutes. To anyone else, it’d look stupid, but there’s a stupid smile spreading all over his face the more he stares at it.

It screams _Tooru Oikawa_ like nothing else, and he knows it’s yet another promise made by his best friend. There’s now forever a piece of the most amazing partner and friend he’s ever had etched onto his skin. He lightly traces the shape of an alien head, warmth spreading through him as it sets in that the boy he likes has a small outline of Godzilla on his right hip.

**_body and love_ **

Hajime is nineteen when he meets Wakatoshi Ushijima.

He’s met the guy, of course, but only on the volleyball court, never outside of it. He almost thinks he might be dreaming, but no, Wakatoshi is sitting on the floor of his dorm with him while they talk about the Schweiden Adlers and the national team. It feels strange to be talking about volleyball with someone who isn’t Tooru, but at the same time, both of them are connected by the one person they respected and admired the most.

Although he doesn’t look like it, he finds out Wakatoshi is an open book. He expects the guy to speak in short, concise sentences, but by the end of their first night together, he ends up learning that he’s always wanted a shiba, but volleyball doesn’t give him the time to take care of one; how he sings, but it’s “not very good, so please don’t ask for a demonstration”; how he wants to join a foreign league in Poland; how he had a crush on Tooru for three years, but it was never reciprocated.

(Hajime isn’t surprised by this. He knows several people were crushing on his best friend in high school, so it’s not shocking to find out that there were people _outside_ of Aoba Johsai crushing on him, too.)

On their second day together, they go out to Newport Beach. Hajime finds himself smiling and laughing more than he’s done these past couple of months in California. They spend their time playing volleyball, wading into the water, and sitting on the sand, watching as the sun slowly begins to set. The way the sun reflects off the water and leaves it shimmering reminds him of the day Tooru left for Argentina; how he cried and almost looked regretful of his decision before Hajime reminded him there’s a promise he needs to fulfill. He wonders if it’s possible for a sunset to look melancholic yet beautiful at the same time.

Wakatoshi is sitting on his left and staring at his body. He pretends not to notice it; he’s had his fair share of confession letters in high school and been asked out upfront while walking around campus, so he’s at least aware that he’s not ugly. This is Wakatoshi Ushijima, professional volleyball player and member of the Japan National Team; he’s not the random girl in his chemistry class at Aoba Johsai, he’s not the several American students that shamelessly tell him he’s attractive. He’s also not Tooru.

_But this is as close to Tooru as I’ll get._

There’s an offer made that night on the beach that he doesn’t regret, but it definitely doesn’t feel right. Wakatoshi accepts, and they both begin the jog back to his dorm. Hajime moves at a pace faster than normal, and it’s not because he’s excited for what’s to come, but rather, to finally have someone who isn’t a stranger, to finally have someone who reminds him of home, to finally have someone who’s tied to the one person he misses the most.

It’s quiet for the most part, and Hajime tries not to think about how he wishes Wakatoshi was loud and annoying and emotional. The first kiss feels unsure like they’re both nervous for what they’re about to do. The second kiss feels more secure like they’re reassuring each other that everything will be okay afterwards. The third kiss comes more frantic—fear and nerves are out the door; now, there’s just a sense of urgency and the need to feel each other. To give each other what they want, what they’ve been needing.

They peel apart from each other as Hajime helps Wakatoshi take off his shirt. There’s a kiss. Then Wakatoshi helps him take off his UC Irvine tank, and he’s getting ready to pick up where they left off when he sees the Adlers player staring at his body again. More specifically, his left hip.

“It’s an alien,” Hajime blurts out. Wakatoshi stares at him like he knows this piece of information, but can’t seem to figure out why he has an alien out of all things. The last thing he wants to do is bring up Tooru, but it comes out like word vomit. How Tooru told him he was moving to Argentina and it hurt. How Tooru and him got friendship tattoos. How Tooru cried the day he left Japan. How Tooru is so busy training they almost rarely speak. How he misses Tooru, but he knows he can’t say anything because he wants his best friend to focus on becoming the best.

There’s a long pause where neither of them say anything. Hajime thinks Wakatoshi’s going to walk out on him after he embarrassingly poured out his heart, but the former Shiratorizawa player walks up to him and gently kisses him instead. “You love him, Hajime. It’s okay.”

And then it sets in as Wakatoshi leads him to his bed. He’s known all along that Hajime’s offer only came up because of the connection between them and Tooru. Wakatoshi lays him down and places kisses down his body, but avoids his left hip. It’s like he’s saying _that’s for him and I will not take that from you_ , and Hajime cries. He lets Wakatoshi continue, and soon enough, they’re both calling out for someone who doesn’t belong to them.

While he wishes it was someone else, Hajime doesn’t regret it because for the first time in months, there’s a feeling of content, and he has Wakatoshi to thank for that.

**_time and wine_ **

Hajime is twenty-four when he finds out from his mom that Tooru natrualized himself as a citizen of Argentina.

After Wakatoshi’s father takes him under his wing, he’s inspired to get his master’s in sports science, and is now in his second year of the program. He’s still taking classes in California, and every now and then, a familiar face will pop on by. He’s finished his finals for the fall semester and is now back home in Japan with his family; he expects to have a restful break, but not even an hour has gone by before his mother drops the news about Tooru. He plays it off as if he already knew this, but he thinks the surprise is written all over his face when his mother asks him if he’s alright.

Wordlessly, Hajime grabs a jacket and his scarf, and he leaves his home, no destination in mind. He thinks taking a walk is all he needs, but evidently, it’s not enough. Before he knows it, he finds himself back at his high school; seeing the place lifts his spirits a little, and he decides to have a peek at the gymnasium he once spent countless hours in. The closer he gets, he can hear the sound of a ball being passed around, and the voices of two people shouting.

One look inside the gym makes his jaw slightly drop. Shoyo Hinata and Tobio Kageyama are playing on opposite sides of the net and appear to be having the time of their lives based on the grins on their faces. He half expected to see Seijoh’s latest batch of volleyball players, but to see the two kids from Karasuno who shut down his old dream of going to Nationals was the last thing he expected.

The pair are unaware of his presence as he stands by the gym doors. They seem to be so focused on each other and the game they’re playing that he doesn’t want to be seen; instead, Hajime quietly watches as the two move around rapidly, desperate to not let the ball hit the ground. He knows how hard it is to play a one-versus-one game, but the fact that they’re doing it as if it’s that’s the only way they’ve played the game before really impresses him. He’d heard from Wakatoshi about the matchup between the two—Hinata winning over his high school partner; he’d also heard about the proposal that was made after the match. Sure enough, Hajime spots two rings sitting on the necklaces of the duo.

Not wanting to interrupt them, he leaves the grounds he once shared with Tooru and makes his way back home. He thinks about the rings, about the proposal. A promise made between the two to keep competing against each other while also being each other’s greatest allies; a promise to keep climbing to the top of the world together.

_Love_ , is what Wakatoshi had said. How Tobio and Hinata promised each other to love each other without saying the word. He can’t help but feel bitter at the thought of the duo finding and completing each other. The one person he wanted the most was on the other side of the world and now naturalized as a citizen of Argentina, confirming that he was never coming back home. His hand instinctively goes to his left hip and he presses down on the tattoo. For the first time, he regrets the black lines on his skin and the feelings he held for the Argentinian setter.

He walks back into his home and goes straight to his bedroom, left untouched from the last time he was there two years ago. Every piece of his room reminds him of the boy he grew up with and he hates it. He rummages through the things in his closet and finds the bottle of wine Wakatoshi gave him when he was last home. He’s grateful the bottle doesn’t require a corkscrew, opens it, and takes about five gulps of the red wine before he puts it down.

Hajime doesn’t hate Tooru. He still loves him and misses him, and every time they speak over the phone, it almost feels like nothing’s changed—except it has. They’re not as close as they used to be; maybe they were never close at all. But it doesn’t change how much Hajime cares for him. He’s always looked up to his best friend and wanted him to succeed, but for a split second, he wishes Tooru was still here. Maybe they’d be the ones playing back at their old gymnasium right now, rings around their necks.

There’s a buzz next to him and he glances down to see his phone light up, letting him know he has a text. Annoyed, he unlocks his phone and sees the name **Shittykawa** from the top of his inbox. It reads:

**Iwa-chan! Guess who’s a citizen of Argentina now?**

Hajime rapidly responds with _you_ and is about to drop his phone back down next to him when more text messages appear.

**Ugh, did my mom tell you? How rude.**

**It was gonna be a surprise D:**

“Oh, it was definitely a surprise,” Hajime mutters to himself. He takes another sip from the wine bottle. He could never hold his alcohol, so before he knows it, he’s sent out several text messages that garner no response.

**Shittykawa I love you**

**I’m drunk don;t tell my m om**

**_spirit and trust_ **

Hajime is twenty-seven when he sees Tooru for the first time since he left Japan.

He’s moved back to Japan after finishing his master’s degree, and with the help of a few friends, he’s earned himself a job as the national team’s athletic trainer. With so many familiar faces on the team, it takes him little to no time to fit right in. As annoying as some of these new faces are, he finds that he likes everyone on the team, and he fully believes they earned their spot as he watches them train. He even finds himself feeling a little flustered around some of them (namely one Atsumu Miya) as some take it upon themselves to flirt with him whenever they need to be checked up on.

Overall, Hajime’s happy, and with the Olympics a few days away, he’s anticipating that Japan will make it into the finals with almost no hiccups. Except then he finds out Argentina’s starting setter suffered an injury and would no longer be attending. Minutes later, the announcement comes through: Tooru Oikawa of Club Atheltico San Juan is taking over. He should be happy for his old teammate, but his spirit deflates at the news when he remembers how Tooru never acknowledged his drunken confession. If the team notices anything different, they don’t mention it.

(Later, Wakatoshi invites him out for dinner to get his mind off the news.)

The next few days fly by, and soon enough, the Olympic games have begun. Japan won the first game against France, and as they anticipate the results for who they will face next, Hajime has a gut feeling as to who they’ll be playing. He watches Argentina face off against Venezuela from the comfort of his room, and his eyes never leave the setter for the country in blue. His form has evolved and he’s making the game look _so_ easy; Tooru Oikawa still captivates not just his hitters, but the audience, as well. When Argentina lands the match point on their final set and seals their spot for the second round, there’s a chill that runs up his spine.

Word gets out to the rest of the national team, and there’s a strong energy fueling the men who make up the nation’s best. Hajime recognizes it as the desire to win, and for some, to prove to an old face how much better they’ve gotten, and he can’t help but get fired up with them.

The day of the match arrives, and at first, the Argentianian setter does not spare a glance at his direction; Hajime pretends like it doesn’t sting and decides to focus on _his_ team. He watches as Tobio and Shoyo pave the way for Japan, how Kiyoomi pulls off impossible saves, how Atsumu lands them seven service aces, how Kourai manages to block out Argentina’s hitters. Hajime has never seen them sync up like this before—it’s the best they’ve ever played, and it takes his breath away.

But it’s not enough. Tooru’s setting is impeccable; the communication and movement between him and his hitters is in perfect harmony, so when Argentina clinches the third round spot, he finds there’s tears threatening to spill out. Hajime gets up from the bench after the teams line up and finds himself running to the other side of the court.

_Japan may have lost, but it doesn’t mean it’s over._

Tooru spots him first. They’re at most ten feet away from each other, but Hajime wants to be close to him like when they shared the bed when they were four; he moves his feet forward and Tooru does the same.

Eight feet. The space between him and Tooru feels longer than the nine years they spent apart. Hajime wishes he could go back to that night on the treehouse and never let go of the boy who bought him his first skateboard when they were thirteen.

Six feet. The closer he gets, the more his heart speeds up at the sight of Tooru; it’s the same sweaty look he wore in high school, but he’s more handsome and tanned and _amazing_. He never stopped being the setter he was proud of, Hajime now realizes. He was incredible at fifteen, and he still is at twenty-seven.

They stop at four feet. They’re closer than ever, and as Hajime stares at him, the more the room gets hazy around both of them. He’s not quite sure what to do or what to say; they’re still friends, but the memories of his confession still linger, and he knows Tooru definitely read it.

“Tooru—”

“I saved you a seat for my next game,” Tooru gushes. His face gets slightly more red than it already is. “I knew we’d be winning because of our promise after the Karasuno game.” _He remembers that?_ “And since I won, I figured you could treat me to dinner.”

“Dinner?” Hajime asks dumbly.

Tooru bites the inside of his cheek to stop the smile on his face. “Yeah, dinner. Then you can take me home, Iwa-chan.”

“But my messages—”

Tooru cuts him before he can continue. “If you’re going to tell someone you love them, you should at least do it in person, Iwa-chan.”

The Argentianian setter is now standing with his arms crossed and a knowing smirk on his face. The revelation hits him like a service ace to the head. “Are you saying you ignored my feelings for three years because I didn’t say it in person?”

“And because you were drunk!”

Hajime walks up to him so he’s face to face with Tooru. He cups his face with his hands and says, “Tooru Oikawa, I hate you so much, but _god_ , I’ve been in love with you for nine years now that I am willing to overlook this mess you’ve made.”

The look Tooru gives him makes his throat go dry. It’s a mix of pure bliss, tenderness, and _love_. His eyes are saying _kiss me_ and so he does. Hajime feels himself lightly shake the first time their lips touch; this is the most precious moment of his life and he’s afraid of ruining it. But Tooru seems to recognize the delicacy of the situation and wraps his arms around him. Never before has Hajime felt this secure and reassured by someone. The kiss lasts about nine seconds, but to him, it feels like nine years of home, familiarity, trust, and adoration.

“Perfect,” Tooru whispers against his lips.

Hajime pulls him back down for another kiss because yeah, this is what the perfect kiss feels like, and he doesn’t want to let go of it.

**Author's Note:**

> pls let me know what u think and leave kudos if u enjoyed MWAH


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